Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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