I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
