So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
