You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
