Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
