Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
