god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
