i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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