Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
