Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
