I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
