Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
