3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
