when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
