At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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