9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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