i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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