Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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