Just cropdusted the office
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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