this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's never too late to be topless.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
