WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
