You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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