well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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