well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
well you can't waste a boner
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
