He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
