U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
