I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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