theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
