i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
