As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
