She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
