DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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