when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
