We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
