pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
