Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
