Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
don't judge my taste in strippers
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
