they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
