did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
