Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
