I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
