I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
