my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
