there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
