I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
