Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my being single is dangerous.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
