worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
