I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
