I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
