my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
