When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
