I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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