I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
