we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
