Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
