Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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